After an affair
Do I have to tell?
Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. Cf. Mt 5:27-28. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. Cf. Mt 5:32; 19:6; Mk 10:11; 1 Cor 6:9-10. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry. Cf. Hos 2:7; Jer 5:7; 13:27.
Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents' stable union.
The movement of return to God, called conversion and repentance, entails sorrow for and abhorrence of sins committed, and the firm purpose of sinning no more in the future. Conversion touches the past and the future and is nourished by hope in God's mercy.
Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly." Council of Trent (1551): DS — Denzinger–Schönmetzer (Enchiridion Symbolorum) (ND — Neuner–Dupuis, The Christian Faith (doctrinal sourcebook)); cf. Ex 20:17; Mt 5:28. When Christ's faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, "for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know." Council of Trent (1551): DS — Denzinger–Schönmetzer (Enchiridion Symbolorum) (ND — Neuner–Dupuis, The Christian Faith (doctrinal sourcebook)); cf. St. Jerome, In Eccl. 10, 11: PL — Patrologia Latina (Migne):1096.
Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused. Cf. Council of Trent (1551): DS — Denzinger–Schönmetzer (Enchiridion Symbolorum). Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must "make satisfaction for" or "expiate" his sins. This satisfaction is also called "penance."
Every offense committed against justice and truth entails the duty of reparation, even if its author has been forgiven. When it is impossible publicly to make reparation for a wrong, it must be made secretly. If someone who has suffered harm cannot be directly compensated, he must be given moral satisfaction in the name of charity. This duty of reparation also concerns offenses against another's reputation. This reparation, moral and sometimes material, must be evaluated in terms of the extent of the damage inflicted. It obliges in conscience.